How to Manipulate Time

practical magic to go beyond linear time

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Dec 17, 2024

We made a free resource called, The Time Witch’s Grimoire: A Spell and Recipe Book for Slowing, Speeding, and Stopping Time to go along with this article that you can grab here. Enjoy!

Every day I'm humbled by the cosmic joke that Past Me was a sweet summer child who thought they had it all figured out, while Future Me is probably looking back at Present Me with the same bewildered amusement I reserve for my own constant attempts to optimize my morning routine based on my progressed moon.

So with that acknowledgment that I'm perpetually somewhere between "experienced enough to help" and "still a dummy," let's talk about how to bend time like a cosmic pool noodle.

And no, this isn't going to be another insufferable productivity hack listicle about how drinking celery juice at 5am while doing headstands will somehow make you a billionaire. (Though if that's your thing, absolutely no shade — I too have fallen prey to the siren song of Big Wellness promising that liquid vegetables will fix my life.)

Because I 🎶sEeEeEEEEeEeeeeeeee🎶 you over there, stress-sweating about your launch timeline while simultaneously doom-scrolling through Instagram photos of 22-year-old CEOs.

You're giving yourself tension headaches about whether you've "missed your chance" to start that podcast/write that novel/learn how to become the world’s foremost rune scholar. Meanwhile, Barbara Walters didn't even start her iconic journalism career until her mid-thirties, and Ava DuVernay didn’t pick up a camera until after her Saturn Return.

*stands up on my desk* YOU HAVE TIME!

Step into the Honesty Zone for a sec with me: Time? She’s completely made up.

Like, totally. Like NFTs or the idea that we need to own 27 different moisturizers for the specific parts of our body (is the skin on my face that different than the skin on my neck? my arms? my eyelids? I smell a sexy unique scam) or LinkedIn broetry about "hustle culture.”

We invented time as a way to coordinate meeting up for coffee, and somehow ended up its prisoner instead of its master. A sort of temporal Stockholm Syndrome, if you will.

But I'm not here to give you a history lesson about time. I'm here because after running an intuitive business for almost eight years, I’ve been beat over the head too many times to count by this lesson:

Time is not running out. Time is running you.

The Time Witch Manifesto

How do we get into right relationship with time; or at least, get to a place where we don’t feel like we’re constantly going to battle with each other? Let's get metaphysical for a second.

According to quantum physics and also apparently Google's newest computing technology which basically proves the existence of a multiverse, time isn't linear. It's more like a giant pool of possibility soup that we're all swimming in. And just like soup, you can stir it around, add ingredients, top with those salty little oyster crackers… or decide to order Domino’s instead.

The secret to manipulating time isn't about cramming more productivity into each hour or finally finding the perfect morning shed routine on TikTok. It's about:

Recognizing time as a construct we can bend
Getting crystal clear on what actually matters to us
Using practical magic and strategic moves to create the reality we want

Anyone can be a Time Witch, with a little practice and intention. Not the kind with a pointy hat and an overdue library book about hexes (though if that's your vibe, live your truth, Elphie!). I'm talking about someone who understands that time is less like a ticking clock and more like a lump of enchanted clay you can mold to your will.

Signs You're Backsliding Into Time Drama (A Diagnostic Guide)

You might’ve lost touch with your Time Witch powers if:

You've convinced yourself you can "just quickly" write a book this weekend (looking at you, George R.R. Martin, call me!)
You're having stress dreams about missing deadlines that never existed
You've started saying yes to podcast interviews that record at 3am your time because "time zones are just a construct" (OK, sure, they are, but your circadian rhythm would like a word)

Raising my hand here, because, same. Let's paint a picture of what life looked like before I was forced to figure out time manipulation.

Picture it: 2017. I'm having an existential crisis in the Sweetgreen line while some podcast girlboss tells me I need to "optimize my morning routine.” I'm scheduling my days in 15-minute increments like a project manager who's gone feral, comparing myself to every tech bro who's IPO'd before their Saturn return.

And, hey, plot twist! Trying to strong-arm time into submission was about as effective as trying to manifest world peace by putting crystals in my Lively bralette.

Like Sisyphus but with a Google Calendar, I kept pushing that boulder of productivity up the hill only to watch it roll back down.

I was living in time panic mode:

Color-coding my iCal by chakra alignment while still somehow running 15 minutes late to every Zoom call
Putting strict deadlines on my dreams — ”I want to do [insert the craziest thing you’ve ever heard] before I get married, but I want to get married before I turn 35 so that gives me about 29 months to figure this near-impossible thing out.”
Thinking I needed to accomplish everything immediately or the universe would revoke my "Person Who Has Their Life Together" card

Shocker of the centch: This “strategy” of using oppressive anxiety as a motivator was actually making me WORSE at managing time, not better.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results, but I'd argue it's more like buying yet another $2500 business course about "cracking the code of time management" while steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, we weren't meant to optimize every second of our lives like we're running a factory floor in the industrial revolution.

Maybe it was divine intervention, maybe it was sleep deprivation, or maybe it was just that my temporal lobe finally developed, but I realized acting like a time overlord wasn’t working for me.

Which left me just one choice: I stopped treating time like my enemy and started treating it like a collaborator in my magical, intuitive business practice.

Only then did things started to change… and quick.

Real Talk About Timeline Manipulation

Timeline manipulation is actually just a fancy way of saying "I've developed a specific set of mindset shifts and practical tools that help me feel like I have all the time in the world for what matters, while still meeting deadlines and running a business I really like."

“Slow down to speed up,” was my mantra going into 2024. My baby had just turned one, and I while I was still adjusting to my new slower pace, I felt pretty confident that I’d get back to my pre-pregnancy speed within a few months.

One thing about me? I might be a triple water, but I’m an Aries MC with ADHD. I am not patient. I prefer to move quickly.

So while I felt confident that slowing down in certain areas of my life was necessary and beautiful and objectively cool, I have to admit I was a little itchy to absolutely floor it on a project or idea.

Life had other plans for me in 2024, and I truly feel like I was tested to put my money where my mouth was on this “Timeline Manipulation” thing this past year.

(When I felt overwhelmed by my schedule/life circumstances this year, I used "Pause Time" techniques to create what I call "pocket dimensions" — little spaces of calm in otherwise chaos-filled days… )

Here's the really wild part: this stuff works.

Not in a "build a time machine in your garage" way, but in a "holy shit, I actually feel like I have enough time" way. Which, if you're a chronically overwhelmed entrepreneur or creative or parent or [insert anyone who is stretched in too many directions every day here], is basically the same thing.

Pre-Time Witch vs. Now: A Case Study in Temporal Freakiness

Here's what my relationship with time looks like now, after years of treating it less like an enemy and more like that one friend who's always late to brunch but brings the best gossip:

Launch Timeline Edition

BEFORE: "I need to launch this course in six weeks or I'm a bigger failure than Ben and J.Lo’s second marriage and also I’m probably going to end up living in a cardboard box."

Result: Rushed strategy, messy execution, stress-induced eye twitch, pure chaos, concerning amount of money spent on "emergency crystals”
Energy: Pure panic with a side of imposter syndrome

NOW: "This launch will take exactly as long as it needs to take, and I have tools to compress or expand time as needed."

Result: Clear strategy, aligned execution, actual enjoyment of the process, usually more money / results
Energy: Focused intention with a splash of "wouldn't it be fun if...?"

Actual example: Recently collapsed a 6-month launch into 8 weeks by getting crystal clear on what actually needed to happen vs what I was doing because "that's how everyone does it”

Daily Schedule Edition

BEFORE: Trying to biohack my way into 36-hour days while pretending my human design type wasn't screaming in protest

Result: Burnout city, population: me
Energy: Like a hamster on an espresso drip

NOW: Creating what I call "time pockets" — little folds in reality where deep work happens

Result: Getting more done while doing less (math is wild sometimes and I do not pretend to understand it… it’s like wifi, don’t ask questions about how it works, just accept it)
Energy: Steady and sustainable

Actual example: Reduced my workweek from 60+ hours to 25 hours by implementing designated spaces for deep work protected by both practical boundaries and energetic wards.

Content Creation Edition

BEFORE: "I need to be everywhere all the time or I'll become irrelevant and have to get a real job!"

Result: Scattered presence, mediocre content, constant exhaustion
Energy: Pure chaos with notes of desperation

NOW: "I trust divine timing and also basic marketing strategy."

Result: Focused presence on platforms that matter, quality content, actual fun
Energy: Aligned and intentional

Actual example: Scaled back from posting almost daily on 5 platforms to posting weekly on 2, resulting in HIGHER engagement and more sales … SPOOKY!

Time manipulation isn't about squeezing more productivity out of each hour like it's the last bit of toothpaste in the tube. It's about understanding that time is basically a cosmic Slinky — it can stretch, compress, and sometimes get tangled up in ways that defy physics.

The Core Principles of Time Witchery

Here's what I've learned about actually manipulating time:

Time is like pizza dough — it can stretch or compress based on how you work with it
"Divine timing" isn't code for "wait around and hope for the best"
Your relationship with time is a reflection of your relationship with yourself
The universe doesn't have an age limit on success, happiness, or fulfillment

When you start working with time instead of against it, you actually get MORE done. It's like that thing where I tell my toddler “don’t smile!” and suddenly he’s cheesing from ear to ear — time works the same way.

The harder you grip it, the more it slips through your fingers.

A Time Witch's Final Notes on Temporal Manipulation

If you've made it this far, you're either deeply committed to bending the space-time continuum, or you're procrastinating on something else. Either way, welcome to the conclusion, my chronologically-confused friend.

Before you go forth to practice these temporal arts, let's address the elephant in the room: maintaining your Time Witch practice without spiraling into productivity poisoning — that special flavor of hustle culture trauma where you try to optimize your optimization systems.

Want the complete guide to temporal manipulation, including my exact protocols for bending time like a cosmic pool noodle? Download The Time Witch's Recipe Book — a practical grimoire for entrepreneurs who are tired of time being such a drama queen about everything.

Consider this less "ancient magical tome" and more "that one friend who always knows a spell to cool your hell and also how to optimize your Notion workflow."

A Final Word From Your Friendly Neighborhood Time Witch

Remember: You're a Time Witch, not a Time Martyr. Your power lies not in how much you can do, but in how intentional you can be. And sometimes the most magical thing you can do is absolutely nothing at all.

Just try not to create any parallel universes before 9a. The multiverse is messy enough without your sleep-deprived timeline splits.

P.S. If you're reading this in the bathroom to avoid a Zoom call — I see you, I respect you, and your secret is safe with me. Now go practice some time manipulation, you magnificent chaos mage.